Mirror Neurons & Trauma
We are more connected to the people around us than we may realise, but sometimes, this connection can feel overwhelming rather than comforting. This experience is more common than you think, and it has a name. Knowing why this happens might be more helpful than you think.
What are mirror neurons, and why do they matter?
Mirror neurons are brain cells that activate in the same way whether we are performing an action ourselves or simply watching someone else do it, acting like an internal mirror of the world around us (American Psychological Association [APA], 2018). A simple example of this is yawning. Have you ever seen someone yawn and immediately felt the urge to yawn too? Beyond yawning, mirror neurons help explain some of the most fundamental human qualities, including empathy, the ability to imitate others, and even the development of language (Mara, 2017; van der Kolk, 2014). Can you recognise this in your own interactions with others?
How do mirror neurons make us vulnerable to others?
While mirror neurons allow us to connect with others, they can also make us vulnerable to absorbing the negative emotions of those around us, leaving us feeling drained, anxious, or overwhelmed (Bastiaansen et al., 2009; van der Kolk, 2014). It is important to note that this process happens automatically, without us realising it.
Research suggests that our emotional state plays a role here too (Kuhbandner et al., 2010). When we are in a more positive state, we tend to mirror the actions of those around us more strongly, while a negative emotional state can reduce the mirroring. In other words, the moments we feel our best can also be the moments we are more connected to others. But our emotional state is not the only factor that can affect our mirror neurons, and therefore ourselves.
So, how does trauma affect the way we connect?
Trauma, particularly in childhood, can interfere with the development of our ability to understand and connect with others (van der Kolk, 2014; van Schie et al., 2017). In its core, trauma often means growing up unseen, unheard, or unimportant to the people around us (van der Kolk, 2014). Each time these experiences are relived, stress hormones strengthen these memories further, which keeps us stuck in the past. For example, a simple argument with a loved one can bring back overwhelming feelings of rejection from childhood experiences. Every new experience that resembles the original trauma reinforces this and makes it incredibly difficult to break the cycle. This can disrupt our mirror neuron functioning, making empathy and healthy connections with others more and more difficult (Walker, 2020). It can make us feel disconnected, misunderstood, and unable to truly relate to those around us.
Unfortunately, I know this from experience. Growing up, certain social experiences made it hard to trust and connect with others. Moving to the Netherlands forced me to break this cycle, and through positive new experiences and talking about it, I have been able to rebuild my ability to connect with others. If I can, so can you.
So, how does trauma affect the way we connect?
Trauma, particularly in childhood, can interfere with the development of our ability to understand and connect with others (van der Kolk, 2014; van Schie et al., 2017). In its core, trauma often means growing up unseen, unheard, or unimportant to the people around us (van der Kolk, 2014). Each time these experiences are relived, stress hormones strengthen these memories further, which keeps us stuck in the past. For example, a simple argument with a loved one can bring back overwhelming feelings of rejection from childhood experiences. Every new experience that resembles the original trauma reinforces this and makes it incredibly difficult to break the cycle. This can disrupt our mirror neuron functioning, making empathy and healthy connections with others more and more difficult (Walker, 2020). It can make us feel disconnected, misunderstood, and unable to truly relate to those around us.
Unfortunately, I know this from experience. Growing up, certain social experiences made it hard to trust and connect with others. Moving to the Netherlands forced me to break this cycle, and through positive new experiences and talking about it, I have been able to rebuild my ability to connect with others. If I can, so can you.
What can we do about it?
As mentioned, this cycle can be broken, and therapy can be a powerful place to start. Through therapy, it is possible to rebuild the capacity to safely connect with and mirror others, while also developing awareness of when you may be taking on the emotions of those around you (van der Kolk, 2014). Developing self-awareness and exploring these patterns, particularly within a safe therapeutic space, can be a powerful first step toward understanding how your past experiences are shaping your present relationships.
References
American Psychological Association. (2018). Mirror Neuron. In APA dictionary of psychology. Retrieved April 29, 2026, from https://dictionary.apa.org/mirror-neuron
Bastiaansen, J. A., Thioux, M., & Keysers, C. (2009). Evidence for mirror systems in emotions. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society of London. Series B, Biological Sciences, 364(1528), 2391–2404. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2009.0058
Kuhbandner, C., Pekrun, R., & Maier, M. A. (2010). The role of positive and negative affect in the “mirroring” of other persons’ actions. Cognition and Emotion, 24(7), 1182–1190. https://doi.org/10.1080/02699930903119196
Mara, D. (2017). The function of mirror neurons in the learning process. MATEC Web of Conferences, 121, 12012. https://doi.org/10.1051/matecconf/201712112012
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
Walker, A. (2020). The role of mirror neurons in relational dysfunction in posttraumatic stress disorder [Doctoral dissertation, Pepperdine University]. Pepperdine Digital Commons.